DIVORCE MEDIATION or LITIGATION: COMPARING COST and CONVENIENCE

                                                 

  COMPARING MEDIATION to LITIGATION

When couples are separating, money is usually tight for a while until the "new normal" kicks in.  You want the best possible process for all aspects of your divorce, but most likely, you don't have a small fortune spend.  For most people, a mediated divorce is more likely to be satisfactory to the parties than a litigated divorce, in terms of convenience, speed of resolution, control, and cost.

This chart compares the cost and convenience of divorce mediation  and divorce litigation in the Pasadena, CA area, as of Summer 2016.  Think about this:  when there are decisions at stake that may affect you for the rest of your life, do you really want low cost to be the primary focus of your mediation?  Experience, compassion, and convenience are important, too.  As your mediator, my goal is to provide excellent, personalized service at convenient times, while being mindful of your desire for a reasonable price.  The mediation fees indicated are in the range typical for Georgia Daniels, J.D., Mediator.  Other mediators' fees may be higher or lower.

	MEDIATION	LITIGATION
DAY or EVENING	Flexible; most weekday appointments start at 5:00 PM, 6:00 PM, 7:00 PM; Saturdays, 9:00 AM through 1:00 PM.	Court’s work-day is – 8 AM to 5 PM;  attorneys generally don't make appointments for 6:00 PM or Saturday morning
TIME TO RESOLVE YOUR CASE	Usually a few weeks to a few months; within your control	It can take months to get a court date for temporary orders; even longer for a full trial date
APPROACH	Respectful and collaborative, striving for win/win solutions	Adversarial;  winner / loser likely
DECISION MAKER	You (the parties)	The judge
CONTROL	You (the parties); mediator as moderator	The judge; lawyers
PROCESS	Informal and private	Formal and public
COST	Reasonable – the mediation fee depends upon the amount of mediator preparation required, the number of meetings required, the complexity of issues, and level of conflict between the parties.  See chart in following post. Reasonable is likely to be between $2,750 to $4,000 for the mediator's fee in most cases for a comprehensive divorce mediation, and somewhat more for the mediator’s fee in complex cases.  Please call 626-441-1900 for more detailed information on fees. Limited scope divorce mediation fees can be significantly less.  Please inquire. Other Family Mediation Fees Fees for pre-marital mediation, post-marital mediation, limited scope divorce mediation, and elder / adult sibling mediation are each different from the others.  Please call 626.441.1900 for more information.	Enormously expensive – Attorney fees can range from $15,000 to $75,000, or even more, depending upon the number of court appearances, amount of preparation, complexity, etc.

Please note that this chart addresses the fee for mediation or litigation only.  Other fees may include court filing fees, party response fees, experts such as appraisers or financial advisers, consulting attorneys for mediation, and document preparation fees for paralegals or legal document assistants. 

CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT - Part 4 - Handling Disagreement

HOW TO DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE

Part of the mediator's job is to coach the parties on how to disagree without being disagreeable.  By observing ground rules based on mutual respect, mediation participants are more likely to stay in the realm of positive problem-solving.  

Adherence to these three ground rules typically leads to positive problem-solving:

1.  Avoid interrupting.  (The other party can take notes of points he or she wishes to emphasize when it is his or her turn.)

2.  Speak from your own experience.  ("I-statements" convey your own feelings; the other party will have a turn to share his or her perspective later.)

3.  Avoid showing signs of disrespect.

Positive, forward-looking problem-solving tends to lead to mutually agreeable solutions.  For more information, call 626-441-1900 or visit www.GeorgiaDaniels.com.

CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT - Part 3 - CONFLICT and RESPECT

Breaking the Cycle of Blame

Mediation ground rules that emphasize respect for each participant's humanity tend to promote development of a positive, problem-solving lens for the mediation.  To break out of a cycle of unproductive conflict that focuses on history and blame, a divorcing couple may use a forward-looking lens to generate movement towards settlement.  This positive outlook is based on using the lens of respect - respect for self, for the other, for the mediator and for the process of mediation.  

When a person feels disrespected or blamed, he or she is more likely to respond emotionally. When feelings run high, thoughtful, problem-solving becomes less likely for the rest of the mediation session.  It may be time to take a break, or adjourn for the day.

For more information, call 626-441-1900 or visit www.GeorgiaDaniels.com. 

CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT - Part 2 -

Conflicting Information; Conflicting Feelings 

There are at least two types of conflict that can crop up in mediation: conflict over data or information, which is also known as cognitive conflict, and conflict over feelings, or  affective conflict.  Divorce mediation tends to focus on facts or information.  But before people can resolve their differences regarding facts or information, they may need to air their feelings.

Conflict over feelings has a greater potential to derail a productive mediation if it is not skillfully managed.  Sometimes, one party may seek to review relationship history and to assign blame for a particular outcome.  The blaming perspective is rarely productive.  This does not mean that feelings have no value in mediation; they do.  Often, it is impossible to move forward until each party has had the opportunity to state his or her truth about a matter, and to feel heard.  Then, when the parties feel truly heard, they can move on to reviewing their situation, to seeing it again with a new focus on current and future actions rather than past history.

For more information, call 626-441-1900 or visit www.GeorgiaDaniels.com.

CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT - PART 1

CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT in DIVORCE MEDIATION- Part 1- 
USING THE LENS OF RESPECT

Divorce mediation and differences of opinion go hand-in-hand.  How these differences are handled is what really counts.  Divorce mediation is an agreement-reaching process that typically goes through several stages on the way to reaching a fair and lasting agreement.   Along the way, reliance on constructive conflict, or using the lens of respect, is an effective strategy for managing conflict in divorce mediation.  Even when feelings are high, forward movement toward a mutually agreeable solution is possible when all parties abide by process guidelines or ground rules that focus on mutual respect.

For more information, call 626-441-1900 or visit www.GeorgiaDaniels.com.

WHO HAS THE POWER?

                                                 WHO HAS THE POWER IN MEDIATION?

In mediation, who has the Power to Decide?  The difference between mediation and other ways to solve divorce problems is that in mediation,  the clients have the power to decide all issues between them.

At Window Rock, in the Navajo Nation in Arizona, the power of erosion created this unusual view through a mountain of stone.   Compare the erosion of stone with the erosion of the family through painful litigation of family matters.  This kind of pain can be avoided, at best, or at least managed with sensitivity.  In mediation,  clients themselves have the power to cut through societal expectations to design a solution that is "just right" for them.  This is the power of "self-determination."

If you don't know what is "just right" for you, your mediator will help you to brainstorm solutions that you can tweak to fit your needs.  Leave behind that which does not fit for you.  (Spoiler alert: there are a few topics that are mandatory, such as completion of honest, reliable financial disclosures for divorce, premarital agreements, or post-marital agreements).  In general, you have more control over the outcome in mediation than you would in litigation.  More control means more satisfaction with the outcome and more control over the cost - both financial and emotional.  For more information, call 626-441-1900.