Elder mediation
focuses on communication and problem-solving within a family or circle of
friends who are concerned about the well-being of an elder. Conflicts may arise between generations, such
as between aging parents and their children, or between adult siblings if they
slip back into their childhood roles and conflicts.
Typical issues
may include parents’ driving habits, whether more in-home care or assisted
living is needed, or which sibling is responsible for what aspects of the
parent’s care. Mediation can also address more complex issues such as estate
planning and inheritance concerns, family business succession, and health care
choices.
Usually, the
elder’s adult children or friends are quite clear that “something needs to be
done” but how this “something” can be accomplished is less clear and can
generate heated disagreement among those concerned. Family members who are locked in ongoing
conflicts may be unaware of elder mediation and its benefits. In addition, the
spouse of the elder may be committed to maintaining the appearance that nothing
is wrong.
The mediator is
like an impartial musical conductor who sets up conversations, outlines some
options, encourages creativity, and cues the participants when it is time to
chime in. The elder’s voice carries the
melody. Other parties support the melody
by exploring options and adapting possibilities to fit their situation. Together, everyone arrives at a final chord: a
plan that describes what best meets the elder’s needs and satisfies concerned
family and friends.
